A Typical Day at Starbucks

sailor cafe

A rare picture of Sailor Cafe, savior of the coffee drinking world

I’d managed to get up earlier than usual so as to afford more time to spy on the unassuming coffee consumers of America. It was a typical morning at my local Starbucks. I walked in and up to the counter with a smile as chipper as a squirrel who has just remembered where it buried it’s supply of acorns. Excitedly, I nodded yes to the lovely barista who already had my regular drink in the making and payed with my Starbucks card so as to accumulate the occasional free drink in a few purchases.

That’s when things became not so typical.

Just as I was setting up my drawing pad and settling in to do some not-at-all-creepy people watching– this man came in. He seemed ordinary at first but, with my super sensitive back-story detecting powers, I could feel that there was something wonky about him.

He looked too businessy. Too smart in his gray suit and matching slacks. His briefcase was too dark and shiny and his eyes too alert to everything going on in the coffee shop around him.

I watched him from the corner of my eye very closely.

Just when I started to think I’m only being paranoid, he pulls out a weird gem and places it on the counter. Maybe normal people wouldn’t have noticed the odd purple waves of energy emitting from the gem but I did and I immediately knew what was happening.

As undetectably as I could, I slinked off to the lady’s room, locked the door (just to be safe), rose my pen above my head and shouted my power words.

“Lovely Espresso Power of the Heart, Make Up!”

Thick tendrils of steam surrounded me and engulfed me in the fantastic aroma of freshly brewed coffee. In a brilliant flash of light I revealed my true form, Sailor Cafe!

Outside the bathroom door, I could hear things starting to take a turn for the worse. Exiting the bathroom, I found that I was correct after all– the previously seeming business man was actually a warrior of darkness sent from the Negaverse to steal the humans of Earth’s caffeine fueled energy for use in their own nefarious plans!

I knew then that I had to stop him at any cost.

Just as I was about to sling my first attack at the foul monster, he turned and spotted me with his now black eyes. It was super creepy!

In one fluid motion, he hurled a display case at me with his super strength and it took all my ability not to be hit with the flying coffee packets. Once I regained my footing, I noticed that he’d actually done me a favor. By throwing the display, coffee bean packets opened up on impact with the floor and walls, spreading coffee beans everywhere around us.

What he didn’t know what that this was were I drew my power from!

Focusing on the still latent caffeine power from the unbrewed beans, I gathered them to me in an impressive coffee bean tidal wave and sent it with all my power at the Negaverse monster.

As I had hoped, the wall of beans was too much for him to handle and he began jittering with all the symptoms of one who was on a caffeine overdose. In mere seconds, the monster exploded into a black glitter, finally defeated.

The Starbucks patrons all awoke from the evil trance he had put them in, and were too preoccupied with what had just happened to them to notice their hero slip away. If I did my job correctly, they will never find out that a monster almost drained them of all energy, or that Sailor Cafe had come to their rescue.

This was a true story.


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